Why pants are important.

Date: Saturday

Time: Naptime

Characters: One naughty toddler boy

Situation: Lack of pants

Saturday was a crazy busy day. Grocery shopping, swimming class, and a rushed lunch. Let's not forget some "fun with the hose" as we came back into the house. Because of all the water fun, Buddy's pants were wet. Really wet. I couldn't put him down for his nap in wet pants lest I win a prize for Very Bad Mommy. So I didn't put him down in any pants at all. And he may not have been wearing a shirt either. Oh, don't get me wrong. I TRIED. He wiggled and squirmed and laughed and drove me crazy. So instead of putting him down in wet pants, I put him down in just a diaper.

Bad idea. Very very bad idea.

I'm finishing up a shower. I like the idea of showering when the children aren't awake so that I can have some peace and quiet. The laugh is on me because I soon hear the phrase, "Hey! If you think about putting Buddy down for a nap in just a diaper again, don't!"

Buddy had cried through his nap. I assumed it was because he was cold. And because I didn't want to wake his twin when I went in there, I assumed he'd go back to sleep. I was so wrong.
Apparently, when a child poops in his diaper and isn't wearing pants, said child takes diaper off. And then said child urinates everywhere because, well, that's what baby boys do.

Okay, it could've been worse. He could've been in it (he just left it there and pointed at it when my husband walked in). But I'm posting this anyway because I'm officially "that mom" who let their kid nap in their diaper. And I am also that mom who almost let their kid nap without pants today. Almost.

Things strangers say Part I

When you have just one baby, people will stop, oh and ah, and move on.

When you have two or more, people begin to take liberties and seem to lose their internal filter. You know, the one that processes thoughts and prevents you from saying something stupid? Because really, that's what twins and higher-order multiples do. They bring out the stupid in people.

Three things I would give up chocolate for to never have to hear again:

1. Were you surprised it was twins?/Do twins run in your family?- Oh, I get it. You really want to know if I needed "medical intervention" or if I just had a good ol' time. Yeah, you want to know a secret about parents of multiples? They don't mind sharing their stories with other parents of multiples or good friends. But random Jane in the Target? Who are you again? Andy why do you want to know my personal business?
   
2. Boy, you have your hands full! - This all-time "classic" is said to mothers all over the world. Do people really think we don't know that we have our hands full? And how does this help me? You know what would help? Holding the door instead of barreling past me. Oh, and if you MUST say something, tell me my kids are cute. Or well-behaved. I don't care if they are screaming and running from me at that point. I don't need to hear that my hands are full.
   
3. Are all these children yours?/HOW many children do you have? - Seriously, when I hear this question, I look around to make sure I haven't picked up any "strays" along the way. I have three children. Three. You'd think I had thirty with the way people "comment".

Okay, I realize the above sounds whiney and there are far greater problems I could have (famine, illness, yeah, yeah, I get it). But you know what? I didn't realize how much the above affected me and mentally exhausted me (you can only be polite for so long) until I encountered a woman as I was leaving the Wal-Mart. She started with, "Are all these children yours?" and I could physically feel myself brace for whatever stupid comment was about to come out of her mouth. She then stated me she had X amount of grandchildren and you just can't have too many children in this world. Oh, and my kids were beautiful too. I didn't realize until I was driving away how that encounter had left me in a good mood. And it was really nice not having to hear how full my hands were.

Lazy and tacky - that's me!

I am that mom who . . . let their children wear pajamas in public.

The horror!

Well, apparently, this is a pretty serious offense to some people. The Babycenter bargain board has a post asking people if "Do you take your DC* out in their PJs?". And surprisingly this is a HUGE deal. To the point where people actually are saying that it is "tacky" and a reflection of "lazy parenting".

I so lose at the Mommy Olympics.

Or . . . maybe not.

Is it really tacky and lazy to keep your baby in their pajamas when it's freezing out and you have to go grocery shopping right now!!!11! because the only thing you have on hand are fifteen cans of green beans that had been the best deal ever!11!! until the moment I found out my husband doesn't really like canned green beans. At all**.

Anyway, I digress. It was negative nine hundred degrees out minus the wind chill. So was it really that offensive when my oldest wore her pale pink pajamas under her sage green coat? Because honestly, it coordinated nicely. Now I on the other hand was wearing junky old gym shoes and a long-sleeved tee that I had bought in high school. In 1992. But apparently because I was dressed this doesn't matter.

And the girl twin? She wore pajamas to dinner the other night. I was at my parents and my mom had bathed them. For whatever reason, my mom put on a set of pajamas on the girl twin rather than the perfectly fine outfit I (no wait, girl-twin had chosen it) had dressed her in earlier that day. The pajamas are really cute and do resemble a short set. So much so that girl-twin will not wear them to bed. Did I mention she picks out her own clothes daily? At 23 months?

So remember, when you see me in public with a parade of children dressed in swimsuits, raincoats, and snow boats because they insisted on these and I choose my battles, well, just remember that they're not in pajamas so really, it's okay. The bargain hunters at Babycenter said so.


*DC means damn dear children. Or something. I prefer to use rotten little terrors my kids.

**Oh, I'm sure I had more food in the house. I'm just trying to keep people from chastising me for going out in the cold when I had food in the house. Of course, now the letters will pour in because I let the food run out.

I am "that" mom

You know the one. She's the mom you don't want to be. Screaming kids? Check. House in shambles? Check. Much needed visit coming from the fashion police? Check check check . . .

But it wasn't always that way. Once upon a time I had a "real job". I wore clothes that didn't make me look harried AND (get this) I actually got a hair cut more than once a year. Sigh. I had such nice hair.

Fast forward three years and three kids later (what??? Twins happen.) and I cannot honestly tell you the last time I bought new clothes or had a haircut. Oh wait. The haircut? Last fall in between the twins' birthday and Thanksgiving. I know this by looking at the two photos I own that I happen to be in.

Anyway, I do probably a hundred (okay two hundred) things wrong a day. And now you get to laugh at me while I laugh at myself. Or if you prefer, join me in the "that mom" corner. I've got Choxie . . .